Stumbling Together

I think I'm just here a bit pulled at the seams
In this world, left that world
Not quite sure what it means.
I love it here, breathed out, was wowed by its' beauty.
Sunk back into friendships, sunk back into life
but there's still such an ache in my heart that this life
is a part, not the whole - there's a part of me there.
And it comes over me, I get caught unaware.

Are there beautiful friends here? 
Yes, more than few.
Are there people who see me, who know me 
who root for my life and my family?
Yes, surely, there are;
And it didn't come quickly, this life's come so far.

So then why on this day are my eyes full of tears?
Why, after two weeks, does it feel like it's years
since I left my first home, the one with my family?
Each time I go back, Lord I find myself mad 
at the beauty I see, for I know I must leave it.
It hurts oh so much that I almost can't feel it 
at once so I try not to think of the love 
that I have in my first home, for I can't feel the touch 
of the ones who support us, who pray without end
Of the ones who have poured out and called us their friends. 

The ones who are patient, when we can't make a call
or who refuse to get mad when our internet falls and
a plan made is broken, the distance confounds
God, these friends and these family, their love it abounds

So they're hard to be gone from. They're so hard to miss.
They're part of my heart's heart. They bring us such bliss
So I sit here, eyes dripping, as I think of the gift that it is to 
be loved by the ones that I miss
and I ask You to help me to soak up the good 
in this beautiful place where we work for you Lord

In this place filled with people, we've grown so to love.
Teaching youth, hearing stories, in Your strength we'll reach out
For each young one we speak with may, too, feel this way.
And their hearts they may ache as they don't see a way 
to live far from their first homes and the ones who they love
to live far from the people who've missed them grow up. 
Lord, they, too, may be feeling a tinge of regret
and what's harder is they're not the ones who accepted 
Your call - that's their parents - they heeded Your call.
but their children can sometimes be found predisposed
to the plague of indifference or wondering how
could this God who is good somehow choose to allow
them to live in a place that's so far from one home
but, like my heart, You lead them right back to Your throne.
To a place where they're seen. where You tell them You care.
To a place where they see You're not caught unaware.

And they start with the questions, You delight just to hear

For in asking those questions You know they draw near.

"Lord, what is Your plan and why I am here?
Can I trust You with my life? Do You care what I do?
Or do You only care what my parents pursue?

We know they're important. We hear it throughout
our lives in each church that we share at and doubts
somewhat take a back seat as we're faced with the value
of eternal Kingdom's, it's not like we can do 
much more to dismiss it or trivialize it's worth
we've known that it's shaped our whole lives - some since birth.
And we hear that Your Kingdom's important, profound
but at times, Lord, we just need to know that we're found
by a God who is near us and knows we're just kids
by a God who cares for us, Lord maybe we'll give
You a chance to reveal to us part of Your plan
for our lives. Yes, we see, Lord, that maybe Your hand
is mixed into our stories and weaving events
from hardships to beauties, 
it might all make some sense
when seen in Your light and accounting for Your grace
when admitting it's not easy but knowing
Your face sees our lives in entirety - those things we can't speak
those things that do shape us but elude when we think
to explain what it's like to live in two homes
and to have moments often where our heart  - it just groans
for the loss that is real while we're young and without
the experience to show us You’re working it out
and going ahead and following behind, 
That's why we need people who are here to remind us 
there's hope right ahead and it's unique to our needs. 
It comes not from people but our God intercedes 
and brings us adults who are also on journeys; 
who also feel heart sick, who also have queries
but who've seen you show up for them time and again
we need to hear stories, to help us begin. 

To imagine we matter to a God so immense. 
To imagine we're cared for when life gets intense 
and the Kingdom work struggles, is tiring for those
in community around us, it’s tempting to go
and hide out, insulate, band together, ignore
what is happening in Your work for we're not a part.
But maybe instead we lean closely and hear
how the adults call out to You. Listen. Are steered
down a course that You’re setting, that You’ve set, somehow been
already down that same road and they know that You’ve seen
How the battle is won. How You win it. Provide. 
How you don’t leave their side so they’ve no need to hide.

So we watch how the adults around us engage
with the trials You present them, the ways that they frame
the tragic, the awful while seeking Your name. 
Immeasurable, Unfathomable. We hear them begin
with intention to speak of your faithfulness powerfully
it's almost as though they're seeking you hourly
and in their committment you help them remember
that the God that they serve is a God of surrender
A God who is faithful on mountains and valleys
His presence a promise, though one undeserved.
A God full of power - His chosen preserved. 

And a God, too, of mercy, who gives bounty for free.
Yes we need their example, You use them to lead 
and to draw us much closer to assist us in answering
all the questions we're grappling with, 
there's so much that's happening in our minds as we set out
to find where we fit. Yes, among other questions,
will to God, we commit? 

Will we stumble along until we graduate this place.
Will we love it for culture, but grow not in faith?
Will we learn how to seek you, in honesty and truth
Or will we move on to adulthood unsure of our use?"

God, these questions are asked every day by the youth.
By the ones YOU have sent us to love and pursue.
But only in small ways - Your Spirit does the rest
So we hope that on days when our hearts feel the test.
That we'll bow to our knees and let tears even fall.
That we'll admit we're not able to do it at all
on our own - not the plan, your intention was not
that we come here to somehow control now the plot
or even be central in the story unfolding
no, you just include us - no love you're withholding.

So as the tears soak my face while I miss what I've left.
I'll think of the youth that we seek to address
in our life, day to day, Lord You see them, You know.
So we ask You to use all our weakness somehow 
to invite them to take even one simple step
on a journey to know You, to trust you to bet
on Your faithfulness now, though the years they have not
And please spark now their wonder for the God of their heart.