“To be loved by God and to be a part of His powerful kingdom is an incredible privilege. Not to trust God with my life or to doubt His wisdom in the affairs of this world is to presume that He is not truly the almighty God. In a sense, I have a choice of living as a secure, beloved child of the King, or living as an anxious, frustrated child whose God is not all-powerful or compassionate. When tragic, unexplainable circumstances enter my life, I must be willing to wrestle with my Sovereign, to honestly come to Him with my broken heart. I must also be willing to rest in His wise ability to accomplish His purpose in His way for His kingdom and for me. I know I cannot rule my life and find true fulfillment. I praise God for His desire to ‘take me under His wing’ and to be Lord of my life. I love Him for His sovereignty!” Cynthia Heald
I”ve been feeling a bit stressed, a bit sorry for myself, a bit swamped. I’ve been worried, unsure, unsettled and those feelings have edged their way into my heart and, at times, separated me from a keen awareness of God’s incredible love for me. Those feelings have paralyzed me and kept me from the freedom I have in Christ. The freedom I have only when I recognize and declare that I serve a God who is all powerful and compassionate. A freedom that I need to live in daily in order to have the strength to face changed timelines, looming deadlines, unmet financial goals and generalized uncertainty. A freedom that was already bought for me at a price.
We all have uncertainty in our lives. We all struggle to understand why some things happen and others don’t. We all try to figure out the answers to these questions and, what I hadn’t consciously realized, is that, in my heart, I have been equating unforeseen circumstances with a quiet, less than compassionate God who is holding back a response to my prayers.
That is not the case. God is here, He is present and He is in control. He is fine with me asking questions but, what must grieve His heart so deeply, is when I don’t listen to His response. He is telling me that He is always working for my good. He is always compassionate. He is always loving and He is always in control. He is not surprised by, confused by or thrown off by my current circumstance. He knows exactly how this journey will play out. He knows my heart, Jon’s heart, my kids heart, our families hearts, our friends hearts – every single worry, stress and uncertainty, He knows them and He sees beyond these circumstances to how I can be drawn closer to Him in the midst of it.
He knows that we can’t see the end of our story while we’re in the middle of it but He also provides a gateway to peace in the midst of uncertainty. He offers prayer, He offers Himself and He offers it daily and while I am sitting here trying to figure things out for myself, He is waiting there for me to recognize that I’m not made for controlling but designed for trusting. I’m not made to run the world, or even my world. I was made to rest in the presence of Almighty God who already knows the end from the beginning and every step in between.
It doesn’t matter if we’re only a few months away from departure and still sitting needing 30% of our monthly support. It doesn’t matter if our flights aren’t booked, our bags aren’t packed and I have no clear idea of how I will fit in all the quality time I had envisioned with family and friends as well as quality time with each of my kids as we help them process the upcoming move. It doesn’t stress God out or worry Him. He is not limited by my limited vision. No, He is present, He is capable, He is all powerful and compassionate.
He is powerfully working all around me and He is compassionately loving me through endless examples of provision and care – through countless prayer warriors, through nearly a hundred financial supporters, through Skype and FaceTime prayers with dear friends, through early morning bible studies, through youth who support me as much I feel blessed to support them, through practical offers of child care, through unplanned sidewalk prayer times and so much more. He is moving, if I take time to look for Him.
So, I will be asking Him to open my eyes, asking Him for more wisdom and I will be spending more time in prayer. I will be trying to focus on His all-powerful, compassionate heart and, in doing so, to hopefully shift my gaze from that which I don’t understand to the God who I want to understand, rely on and receive love from with all my heart.
And, I have a feeling that, as I do so, the stress, self pity and swamped feelings will fade away as I gain a better understanding of the One who is Sovereign over it all. As I recognize His faithfulness to draw me closer to Him in all circumstances and as I realize that He draws me closer with the hopes of reminding me that He is truly all that I need.
May each uncertain circumstance and unplanned roadblock be a step closer to utter dependance on a faithful, loving, all-powerful and compassionate God.
“Toward all this God is moving with infinite wisdom and perfect precision of action. No one can dissuade Him from purposes; nothing turn Him aside from His plans. Since He is omniscient, there can be no unforeseen circumstances, no accidents. As He is sovereign, there can be no countermanded orders, no breakdown in authority; and as He is omnipotent, there can be no want of power to achieve His chosen ends. God is sufficient unto Himself for all these things” A.W. Tower, The Knowledge of the Holy